Archive for October 15th, 2010

October 15, 2010

Indecent Exposure

I learned this the hard way so you don’t have to: if you are a woman and you are on a beach in the US you do NOT take your bikini top off.  Never. Ever. Under no circumstances. No exceptions. Period.

It might be perfectly fine in Munich’s  “English Garden” and it might be pretty much required in St. Tropez and Ipanema beach in Rio de Janeiro.  Not so in the US.  Unacceptable at best, illegal at worst. So don’t do it.  You will not single-handedly change the morals of 300 M Americans and all you end up with is trouble.  I am not kidding.

I misspoke, though, there are rare instances of nudist colonies and the very occasional nude beach. e.g in northern California.  There you can do it.  You probably have to.

If you are a guy and you are on a beach in the US I advise you to not wear one of those infamous speedos (see picture of a famous speedo).  Instead you wear one of these long, uncomfortable looking swim trunks.  Don’t fight it, just do it.   You won’t be arrested for wearing a speedo but people will look at you in that funny way that makes you wonder whether you have an extra ear growing on your forehead or whether your hair turned pink.

 

If you are like 007 you can get away with wearing a speedo

 

October 15, 2010

Of Dudes and Dorks

Seemingly similar “dude” and “dork” couldn’t be more contrary in meaning.  Dudes are cool guys, buddies, friends, homeboys, fellows – in a different decade, mates in Australia.  You want to be called “dude” by your friends and especially those you would want to be friends with – they call you dude you know they accept you as their equal.   To my non-native language ears it sounded a bit rude at first but I have learned to accept that dude is an entirely positive, though very informal,  title.  Do not use in business settings!

The female version is “dudette”, it’s used more sparingly.  In rare cases even girls can be dudes, e.g. when they are roughing it out with the boys in the back country.

Dork is a different story.  Dorks are uninteresting, stupid, dull, hopelessly unfashionable, has odd interests, like speaks Klingon and can disassemble and reassemble a1987 Alpha Romeo blind-folded, and only eats pancakes on Wednesdays.  You get the idea.

Nobody wants to be friends with a dork, nobody really even wants to admit to ever speaking with one unless they are forced (e.g at work).  Dork is a word that is never ever said to somebody’s face.  I have never heard of a female version of dork.  In general it seems used mostly to describe males.