Indecent Exposure

I learned this the hard way so you don’t have to: if you are a woman and you are on a beach in the US you do NOT take your bikini top off.  Never. Ever. Under no circumstances. No exceptions. Period.

It might be perfectly fine in Munich’s  “English Garden” and it might be pretty much required in St. Tropez and Ipanema beach in Rio de Janeiro.  Not so in the US.  Unacceptable at best, illegal at worst. So don’t do it.  You will not single-handedly change the morals of 300 M Americans and all you end up with is trouble.  I am not kidding.

I misspoke, though, there are rare instances of nudist colonies and the very occasional nude beach. e.g in northern California.  There you can do it.  You probably have to.

If you are a guy and you are on a beach in the US I advise you to not wear one of those infamous speedos (see picture of a famous speedo).  Instead you wear one of these long, uncomfortable looking swim trunks.  Don’t fight it, just do it.   You won’t be arrested for wearing a speedo but people will look at you in that funny way that makes you wonder whether you have an extra ear growing on your forehead or whether your hair turned pink.

 

If you are like 007 you can get away with wearing a speedo

 

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